Messing with the Design

As usual, I got tired of my backdrop/layout, so I decided to try the blogger draft design thingy majig. I really like it, and although I thought I desperately wanted to move away from AZ, I now feel comforted when I used backdrops/pics from where I was born and spent my entire childhood. Isn't it amazing how things can stay frozen in time? I haven't visited in about four years now, but if I don't go back, that will mean things won't have changed from my last visit, so these memories provide a sort of stability not easily found elsewhere.

In one of the previous comments, I was asked if I journal/calculate/plan/measure everything I eat. In response, no, I do not. I hate measuring! I wish I had the money to just say, "Hey, Jenny Craig, send me some food so I don't have to figure this out on my own," but I can't afford that, either. So, I do my best to write it down when I remember to do so. Probably why I haven't lost very much.

Writing/writer/struggling

All of the above words seem synonymous with the next. I've loved writing since the time I could form words into sentences. This love has spanned books (often read 2-3 times), prompted dictionary and thesaurus use, and has been a part of me that I always return to, no matter other interests that may arise. However, I'm yet to be "officially" published. Why? Here are some of my thoughts:

1. No follow through. I get started, and then I don't finish stories. Well, poetry and short stories, I can handle. Articles for school, I can handle. Writing just for me and finishing...not so much.
2. Too much on my plate, which causes #1. I'm a Christian wife, mother, teacher, tutor, student, writer, web blogger, website manager, homeschool volunteer, and artist (I started working with charcoal again last night--very relaxing!). So, until days become 37 hrs long, I need to learn to slow-down and not jump into everything headfirst.
   
3. Rejection hurts. There's no way around rejection as a writer. Yes, I have been rejected, and yes, it does hurt. I have to learn to not let it bother me as much, but who likes being told, "Don't waste our time." (They don't really say that; it's mostly a, "We can't use your story at this time. Thank you," kind of thing.
4. I love teaching. Honestly, I would rather teach writing than write sometimes. Weird, eh? Probably because it's easier, which leads me to #5:
5. Writing is hard. Really, really hard. You put your heart, your soul, your know-how, your time, your energy--everything you have goes into those words. Sometimes, those words just don't reflect what you really are, and then you are left searching for the right "fix-it", which may never come.
   
6. I can't find the right fit for my writing. I don't write obscene pieces with harsh language or violence, etc. Therefore, the normal nonfiction journal/magazine doesn't fit my pieces. Yet, my pieces are nonfiction, so they don't go into fiction mags/journals. They don't really seem "Christian-enough" to place into a Christian journal/mag, because they don't always center around a virtuous end-moral lesson. What to do, what to do...which leads me to #7:
   
7. I'm waiting on God's perfect will. Good enough for me.
   

30 Day Challenge...Check!

I finished the 30 Day Challenge on the Wii Active last night! Yeah! Did I lose a single pound? Of course not! But did I gain a single pound? I hope not! (I haven't had the nerve to check since we ate out yesterday.) S made breakfast yesterday afternoon, which is certainly not the healthiest for me. I need to just say no, but then I'm afraid of hurting feelings....sigh. We ate Mexican for dinner, but I had 1.5 bean burritos (the serving came with 2 burritos), so I at least avoided the cheese enchiladas I normally consume. My youngest daughter robbed me of 1/2 of one, but I was thankful.

I checked out the WW site last night, but after checking meeting times and costs, it just won't work for me. Yes, you got it--I'm too cheap to pay $10/week and I like sleeping in on the ONE day per week I get to sleep in--Saturday. So, I'm back at trying to figure this weight thing out myself. Maybe if I had to post my weight on here for everyone to see? hahahahahaha Yeaaaa right! That's not going to happen!

On the school front, I believe I have decided to forgo school this summer, sign up for classes this fall, and see if I have money for them by then. That way, we can work on our house and I can concentrate on the things in life I really love and enjoy, instead of what some teacher believes I need to learn for my own good. Wow, I think I'm growing up!

Cleaning, Cleaning...Never clean!

Just finished washing my mom's carpet...yeah! I've been cleaning her house all day in preparation for her company this upcoming week. To be honest, I needed the extra money, so I was glad my niece (who normally does it this time of year) wasn't interested. I am determined to save money in order to pay down debt and move out of my neighborhood. Yes, I'm very thankful for my cute little house, but it seems the world is moving in on me...closer and closer! We have the barking dogs around us, the smoking (of all kinds), the loud music, the guitar across the street, the kids climbing over my fence to play with my children....ick! It doesn't look like we can move out anytime soon, but I'm going to write a check and have faith that it will work out!

I didn't eat great today, but I had a salad, broiled fish on wheat, and two pieces of pizza. I did have Coke (ack! If I had an arch villain, we know what it would be!), but I've been cleaning today and tonight I'm going to exercise--workout 19 of 20 for the Wii Active! Yeah! Have I lost weight? No. Do I feel skinnier? No. But I felt really good yesterday (until the evening, that is, when I was feeling a bit stressed and confused), and I know it is because of my choices of late.

Off to clean some more before I go home....happy spring cleaning, everyone!

Confused & Burdened

Ok, so this is my venting post. I'm not to let a negative thought roost in my mind, so no matter how often the "negativity woodpecker" pecks, I'm going to turn him away. I just need to figure out my thoughts right now!

I honestly feel a need to help others whenever I can, but after I do, I feel....forgotten, or that people don't feel I've done enough. After last night, I felt completely forgotten--all the hard work, all the stress that I volunteered to handle, was so easily forgotten. I know I help so I can help the kids, so I try to conjure up their smiling faces in my mind and realize that people have so many things going on in their minds that other things get forgotten. And it's not that I'm mad; I just feel a little hurt. I hope everyone knows that can ask me for help anytime they need it.

I feel I need to do a lot of praying because although someone spoke exactly what was on my heart last night, exactly how I feel, I still feel that it went unheard by some other outspoken people. I feel we need to pray, wait, and say, "We need you to help us...we can't go it alone. Just as Moses went on the mountain and people neglected to do the right thing while he was gone--we need Moses to lead us." I know my husband can handle my own family, but we still need help.

After I left a meeting last night, I also ended up wondering if I give off vibes of being "anti-social" or if I just don't know how to respond to other people, or what the deal was. I found that while my husband had people to talk to, I was wandering around alone and ready to go. I did talk a few minutes with some sweet sisters, but I seriously begin to wonder what is wrong with me. I love everyone, no matter our differences, so I hope people realize this. Maybe I just have that "struggling soul" that so many writers have, but I don't know....Wow, this is getting really depressing, but I honestly am burdened. I just have to lay my burdens down at His feet :)

What's the Deal?

So I've been working this week, but I've still been watching what I eat (for the most part) and I've been exercising, yet I don't feel any smaller. Ok, maybe I feel smaller because my ability to get in better shape just doesn't seem up to par, but I don't physically feel smaller. I will keep trying; I will keep striving. I've been drinking so much water lately that it seems I'm always running to the bathroom. Even with all of my doubts, I do know I'm in better shape than I was previously.

I canceled my tutoring hours this morning because I knew I needed more sleep. I have this nasty habit of trying to juggle too much all the time, and I feel that if I'm not multi-tasking, I'm not doing anything. Silly me, I know, but I finally understand people when they say, "So-and-So has forgotten how to relax." I guess another goal for this summer is to re-learn how to relax!

No Gains, No Losses

What is this post about? Just what the title says! I got on the scale this morning and I was actually happy I hadn't gained anything. I just wish I could lose 5 lbs instantly, and then I would be under a certain number for sure that I absolutely abhor! Time to exercise tonight...