Thinking of Quitting....

So although I write this blog to keep track of my life and to have some record of memories years later, I don't know that I'll continue.  I basically have this going because I don't feel I'm a writer unless I write...something.  However, I would really like to get back into writing, real writing for myself.  I've finally found time to deep clean a lot of my house, so I'm thinking moments of writing might begin again.  I hope. 

Christmas was nice.  I'll have to post the Anna hat I made Snugglebug--she LOVES it.  I started with a pattern that I completely changed, as usual.  Can I ever follow anything to a tee?  Nope, I put a spin on it all, to make it mine.  I consider that a good thing, unless my spin looks like an unraveled sweater on steroids. 

In other news, I just dropped a pan of THM stuffing on the kitchen floor, scooped it back in the pan, and while looking around, decided none would be the wiser.  I'll probably be the only one eating it anyway.  Hey, it's been a long day and that was over an hour of work!  (Ok 45 mins baking.)  It's still better than that chocolate pie you and I made for a birthday in Tucson, eh Angela?  lol 

Oh, for Christmas S bought be books....Yay!  But he bought the 3rd and 4th in the series...I'm needing the 2nd!  Talk about frustrating my urge to read!  Back to Orwell for me instead...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a wonderful night!

Crochet Nuances

 Let's just say I've been crocheting a lot lately.  I mean, A LOT.  Need an auction item?  Crochet.  Need a gift?  Crochet.  Simple, right?  The above was my first go at a hat that included hair, made for Lovely's orchestra auction.  I used the Anna & Elsa Hat pattern and plan on recreating it again in the future.  The most time consuming part was adding the hair--the hat itself was around 3 slow crochet hours. 

And what Elsa hat wouldn't be complete without Olaf?  I used this pattern to create my easily falling apart snowman (he snaps back together thankfully!). Both items sold, but I don't think I got very much for them.  Oh well--every little bit helps! 

Then came the hat.  THE HAT.  I allowed Lovely to choose a hat pattern for her teacher.  She thought this resembled Indiana Jones (although it's 30s inspired), so this is the pattern I printed.  And about tore up.  Smart me decided to start the hate hat the day before giving it to the teacher.  I was introduced to two new stitched, refreshed on about three, and said, "I can't.  I just can't," several times.  I did learn I wasn't pushing the needle quite all the way through when creating stitches, so I did learn something on this tragic terrific hat-making adventure.  I actually want one of my own now, and I did add a brown and red flower to attach at one's will. At the moment, I can't find the pattern, but I'll link when I can.  I abashedly admit I searched patterns from easy to medium, so now I'm extremely intimidated with what may come later in my crochet career. 

I also crocheted a mason jar cosy for Snugglebug's teacher and another bobble headband for myself.  I  love seeing those stitches form from a simple ball of yarn and need to remember to crochet all year--not just when I'm off from work.  Lovely is insisting she wants to learn as well, so I started her out on chaining tonight and told her to keep trying to work even stitches so we can move on.  She decided to make necklaces with what she has ;-)

Jule Turns One

This is what we did this weekend...

All because my youngest sweetheart turned one!  I tried to do a smash cake picture, but she spent her time gingerly lifting the red icing from the cake and aiming for her mouth,  She apparently wasn't too fond of the actual chocolate cake hidden beneath the globs of red and green.  

I made the cute sign behind her, but I don't really want to post that much detailed info about my little girl on here.  I could totally get into making those signs, though!  I did it the hard way (by hand), but in the future, I may use Photoshop and then get it from Staples as an Engineer Print.  Then, I would simply mount it to cardboard and color in what I want to color.  By hand is final, and there are a few changes I would make now had I the chance. 

Now, back to Jule.  She's my very aggressive, knows what she wants, throws a temper tantrum child.  She lets Laeah grab toys from her all of the time, but if she demands something from me, I better do it or I get head-butted.  Not fun.  No, I don't always let her do what she wants, namely rolling off the changing table/couch/whatever and streaking around the house.  Did I mention she hates being still, having her diaper changed, or getting dressed?  She still isn't walking, but she's finally standing for several seconds at a time without holding on to anything.  She loves food (the real stuff--not that fake baby mush...lol) and bouncing.  

My, this year has passed quickly, and yet so much has changed. What has changed in your life? 

Just Me

Aren't I daring?  I never, never, never post pictures of me...anywhere, really.  I've hated my picture for years, but a lot of things have changed this year, and my hatred of photographs of me is changing as well.  I've now lost about 28 lbs, maybe more by now, and I can definitely see the difference/lack of inflammation in my face.  I have almost always had a double chin, even at my scant 108 lb teenage years, so I'm just accepting it.  I was also able to go through some of my sister's old clothes and find new, smaller things to wear!  I'm back to where I was after I had Snugglebug, over eight years ago, and boy have I missed it!  I still have a mommy-belly, but I don't know that I ever won't.  I do cheat, but that's the great freedom of the food plan I've adopted--I cheat and then I start over in three hours!

I've deemed this my year of change.  I've changed a lot: cloth diapers, healthy food, losing weight, switching schools...I don't know what this year was supposed to be, but I never imagined I'd be right here, right now.

In other news, Fall Break is almost at an end and I'm a bit nervous about the girls beginning the new school next week.  They are both doing excellent--I've taught them most of the multiplication table in a matter of 1.5 weeks, with the help of Times Tales.  People! Buy Times Tales!  It was $20 (after discount) and the stories just click with kids.  Snugglebug has also learned the lowercase cursive letters and I'm teaching Lovely the uppercase as well.  Turns out Snugglebug & I have made it further in this cursive book than Lovely did last year in school...go figure! 

You Are the Brute Squad

Yes, my eldest child is watching The Princess Bride as I type.  That movie only gets better. 

My girls have been out of school since I picked them up on Tuesday.  Two more weeks of fall break.  This means they are getting a fall break almost half the length of their summer break!  And I'm ready to break down!  haha  I just realized today that homeschooling in this small setting with my four children would not be conducive to my health.  I've been working on multiplication with Lovely (apparently their previous school is the only one around where they don't teach multiplication...go figure) and cursive with Snugglebug.  Their new school uses cursive since kindergarten and they are doing double-digit multiplication and division...yikes.  I'm trying to catch them up a bit, but it's a lot of work.  Honestly, academics was one of the main reasons I removed them from their old school.  Now, I pray they flourish in their new school!

9 Months

Jules is now 9 months old!  She finally got 1 tooth at 8.5 mos. and another is about to pop through.  She claps her hands some.  She stood up on her own yesterday!  Yay!  She crawls everywhere and is not afraid to tell you about anything she doesn't like!  She hates getting dressed or having her diaper changed.  She sits back and observes most of the time, and she's always hungry!  It's still the most adorable thing to see her talking with Laeah! 

School, School, Horrible School

I told my mom the other day that she was so lucky that we lived in a good school district so she didn't have to make any decisions about switching and there were experienced, good teachers who cared and taught accurately.  I said, "It affected the rest of my life." And that hit me.  It was true; elementary school was the important to me, so if I have a daughter begging to leave her current school, I should pay attention. 

Honestly, I didn't like school because I was so shy and never had any friends in my class.  However, I loved learning!  Obviously--I was in school forever and have my master's degree after all!  I don't want my children hating school, and I don't want them falling behind in academics.  Yet, my 4th grader has been begging to get out of that school from day one of this year.  I said we'd give it till Christmas.  Well, now I decided I want my money back!  Just some of the issues:

• Tests have inaccuracies/mistakes on them.
• Teacher does not explain and tells Lovely to do it herself--no more questions.
• Teacher yells--all.the.time.  Lovely said she's told students, "Duh," and similar things. 
• Test, test, test.  Pre-test.  Post-test.  Practice ISTEP test.  Practice NWEA test.  Too many tests!! 
• Math stinks.  Horrid, horrid curriculum.  
• Blanket punishments.  10 out of 20 kids were talking out of turn during class?  Let's make them all write 50 sentences!  

These are just a few of my issues.  I actually have a ton more.  Lovely was blamed for making a mess in the bathroom the other day when she had no part of it.  She was in tears when I picked her up, so I marched in and talked to the principal. Never did I get an apology--just a denial that any yelling took place, despite her sounding like she was almost yelling when talking to me.

So, I'm either homeschooling or sending the girls to a small private Christian school.  I really liked the principal at the new school--no one was intimidating, and the children all had smiles when they saw the administration!  It's a drive and costs a bit each month, but the Lord will provide if we are to do that.  I must make my decision during the upcoming week, however.  

Preschool Thoughts

I found my mom's old typewriter and thought the girls would be cute in some photos with it...what do you think?  

 

I've been thinking of Laeah and preschool lately.  The preschool Snugglebug attended no longer exists, and it didn't do her much good anyway.  I have a lot of preschool curricula, so I could do it myself, but Laeah is so extremely social. So, I'm now wondering if I can find a few parents who would like to have preschool with Laeah, either always with me teaching it, or switch off between teachers.  I think I can talk my mom into using her basement if we don't get moved by then, which is really nice and has its own bathroom, etc.  I would only do two days a week, for about 3 hours, and I would have to charge a small fee for supplies, etc., but I think it would be really fun.  However, I'm not sure how to find any other mothers who would be interested.  I'm big into field trips as well as hands-on learning, so I'd plan with that as well.  If it's just me, I could only handle about four kids, but if another mother wants to help, we could have more.  I must keep thinking on this...At least I still have two years to think/plan.  

I'm also wondering what happened to my writing blog.  I had one...but I can't remember the address!  lol I want to get back to it to keep track of/discuss lesson plans for my writing classes and my writing experiences in general.

 

Do you see now why I'm always busy?  lol I just keep thinking of more ways to fill my day.  I had a dream lastnight that I missed Lovely's orchestra audition because I took her to it, but then I fell asleep--and I really dreamed I was sleeping.  Strange.  I'm just praying for guidance!

Back to School Dump

 I'm practicing my photography skills here...It's very difficult to afford pictures of the girls, so although I have a long way to go--years, in fact--I do think I'm improving slightly.  I just loved this pic because it is so them.  Jules is always sticking out her tongue and Laeah is always talking to Jules.  They are sisters and they love each other.

 We finally had Jules dedicated.  It only took 7 months...no biggie :/  Let's just say, it's good her dedication dress is a 6 mos. size, the same one I used for the other girls and the only size I could find when I bought it for Lovely 10 years ago.

Not the best pic of me, but we're both smiling :)  She's my girl and oh so adorable!  You really can't tell that I've lost any weight in this picture, but I guess that's because I didn't take many pics at all over the last few years (of myself that is). 

I went back to work this week, and I think it's going to be a fun semester.  I have a bunch of talkers in all of my classes, unlike last spring when I needed a break from teaching.  I'm teaching three classes, and I really enjoy it, although it's a lot of work grading research intensive essays.  It's difficult leaving the girls, but I do think Jules needs me to be gone a little bit--she cries when I walk past her and wants me sitting beside her when she plays on the floor.  She's in physical therapy now because she just doesn't want to crawl and hasn't built up her core or neck muscles in order to do so.  At first I didn't think she needed it, but I do see a difference now that she's had just two sessions.  Oh, and she waved at me for the first time today on purpose :) 

School is still iffy for my girls.  Lovely insists she wants to homeschool, although I'm sure she'd really miss her best friend (yes, they are best friends again).  I'm not thrilled with her class set-up at all--waaaay too much testing in my opinion--but I'm going to give it until Christmas and then see.  Meanwhile, Lovely is taking violin lessons, computer lessons, she has an audition for orchestra next week, and she plans on starting volleyball (which only lasts until fall break, so not too terribly long).  Wow.  I would have been lucky to get to do one of those things as a child.  

Snugglebug loves school and I think the newest best friend she made is a good influence, who--get this--used to homeschool.  However, Snugglebug keeps displaying patterns of laziness that we're working on overcoming.  She got two bad scores on tests lately because she didn't write enough detail, or any detail for that matter, so I made her rewrite her answer once she got home.  I'm hoping that was a lesson.  If this persists, I'm not sure how homeschool will go with her.  I keep secretly thinking, "You say you're going to homeschool, but you never will."  Hmm. There's good and bad to everything, and I'm trusting I'll know when I need/should pull them both out.  I can't really teach with Jules & Laeah, and three college courses, and S's business, and...the list goes on.  I pray every day S gets better work so that I can scale back on all I do, so I can refocus that energy elsewhere.  You can only imagine what my house must look like at this point. 

Lastly, I still haven't lost any more pounds, but I did lose 3/4 inches, making a grand total of 14 and 1/4 inches lost between my stomach, hips, thighs, and arms.  I'm pretty good with that.  I'm still concentrating on nursing, so I'm eating more foods that keep weight stable rather than shedding weight.  I also haven't figured out how to include exercise, which will help tremendously.  I'm hoping my hikes across campus at work will aide in this healthy adventure.  The downside to realizing what real food is, and how to eat healthy:  everytime I see S or grandma give my kids junk food, I can't help but think, "You're poisoning them!" And yet, I know I don't want them to feel deprived and go overboard on junk once they are older.  I feed them a healthy breakfast and dinner, and I don't buy candy/cookies/cake/ice cream/chips, so they only get that once their daddy or grandma gives it to them.  Lovely likes my healthy desserts as well :) 

THM Changin' It Up

Whoa.  Just so you know, do not go almost 3 months without bread, pizza, etc. and suddenly have it.  Not good.  Not good at all, my friend. 

I was tempted to try the free Sam's take 'n bake pizza that I got from joining through Groupon.  Ok, I DID try it.  And then I felt like I had a boulder in my stomach, dragging me down, for the rest of the night.  Not good, my friend.

Another thing.  Don't go to a hotel buffet, indulge a little in goodies like a pancake or a biscuit, with all the other stuff you're allowed to have.  Fingers swell up like the sausage links you consumed, hands begin to itch, and you pray rings will come off later that night.  Talk about pain. 

Sadly, this is all how I used to live.  Maybe not to that extreme, but I didn't realize how good I'd been feeling until I felt so poorly.  Now, I know. 

We had gone to a seafood festival for our 11th Wedding Anniversary this past weekend.  We dined on crab legs and lobster, shrimp, and more, and most of it was actually on plan.  However, I did over-indulge a little bit.  I did find out I LOVE Greek seafood--who'd have known?--but I probably should have held back a little better.  I came back about 3 lbs heavier, but I'm assuming most of it was just bloat; I'm now back to the 22 lbs lost.  This means I'm a mere 12 lbs away from finally losing ALL the baby weight I have EVER gained!  YAY! 

Weighing In

It's been awhile since I last posted--it's just so difficult to find time to even think lately.  I'm pressed to get my syllabi, lesson plans, assignments, etc. all finished before my three classes begin later this month.  My classes are all full--even my Sat. class!

Anyway, I'm still continuing my food plan--the THM way of doing things.  I've lost 22 lbs, 12 inches, and I can finally fit into some of the skirts for work that I haven't been able to wear in years!  Yay!  My hair seems thicker and longer, and my skin is softer (for instance, my heels are no longer cracked and rough, but that is also due to the use of Lansinoh cream on my heals!).  I do feel better over all, and yet I'm a little disappointed. 

No one has said a single word except one extremely nice friend/mom from school.  Oh, and my hubby.  I know some people may be bugged from phrases like, "You look like you've lost weight," because it insinuates you were likely overweight previously.  However, I'm not one of those people!  lol  I enjoy my food, and I feel I'm actually fueling my body instead of ravaging it with GMOs and other harsh food bi-products, so I will continue following this plan for as long as the Lord has me on this path. I am doing it for my daughters, for my husband, and for me.  But...it would still be nice to know my dedication is recognized! 

I say this knowing full well I don't necessary remark on others weight loss journey, but now I realize maybe I should.  Shame on me.

Roomates

We've finally made the transition from Jules being in our room in a bassinet to being in Laeah ' s room in a crib. Yes, I actually bought a brand - spanking new crib for my last child at 7 mos. But, it does transition to a toddler bed and then a full one, although I doubt we'll keep it for the full bed. Anyway, I did shed a few tears...and then I went to sleep.

July 4th

Happy 4th of July!!

We took some family pics (sans the daddy because he was dressed to work on the house instead of getting all prettied up).  This was the only pic in which everyone is doing what they were told to do and someone isn't glaring off into space.  More kids = more awkward family photos.  I like it.  lol 

Quick update on Jules:  she rolls from front to back, back to front, and she'll sit up if you place her in that position.  If on the couch, she will raise herself off the boppy and sit up.  This is all because she had a 6 mos check up last week at which the doctor recommended her for physical therapy because she wasn't strong enough.  She decided to show that doctor!  She wouldn't put weight on her legs for the doctor, but then again, the doctor made us wait 2 hours, past naps, etc. and expected Jules to perform well...whatever! 

Food Plan

Hello! I've been a little distracted lately, as I've been doing a complete overhaul of the way I eat/look at food. Honestly, I got tired of feeling so...fat. Yes, I just used the "f-a-t" word. I'm not counting my journey from pregnancy weight, but from my last pre - pregnancy weight. The above pic shows me 8.5 lbs down from that weight, 15.5 lbs lighter than when I graduated with my master's degree in 2011. I have since lost another 4 lbs, for a grand total of 12.5 lbs and 6 inches since May 26th! Yay!

I am following the Trim Healthy Mama plan, which simplified means I've cut out most sugar; I eat every 3-4 hours; I don't eat white potatoes, white milk, or regular bread; and I don't combine too many carbs with too much fat. No, I don't do a lot of counting. I invested in Build A Menu, which meal plans, provides a priced shopping list, and recipes. Also, this plan has just clicked with me for some reason. There are several supportive and recipe - providing facebook pages and blogs, and I food journal with pictures on the ap Two Grand. These supports have been a tremendous help!

I actually don't mind the way I look in the pic above (although I wish my shirt wouldn't have been pulled down from the baby carrier), so a lot of inflammation is just gone...it's wonderful. Oh, and this is my pic with my valedictorian nephew at his grad party...so proud of him!

Six Months

 Jules is now six months old!  My how big she has gotten!  At her doctor's appt a few weeks ago, she weight 15.4 lbs, which is almost the size of Laeah!  I love her chubby little thighs.  I love her giggle when I brush her chin with my fingers.  She has begun babbling, and it's obvious she will not be overlooked!  She still likes to take cat naps, which drives me crazy (oh, yes, please only sleep for 5 minute intervals; much can get accomplished this way!).  She doesn't like to fall asleep until late at night (we're talking 1 a.m. lastnight, people!), and she sucks up cereal like a champ and has recently begun eating baked sweet potatoes.  She has the least amount of hair of all of our children, so she will probably have the most once she gets older. 

Quick Updates

Busy, busy, busy...(can you name that quote?  Hint:  It's a Christmas movie)...

Next week marks the end of school for my oldest girls.  Yay!  Not looking forward to beginning school on July 31st, though!  And the preschool Snugglebug attended is closing, so I'm already wondering where/if I'll send Laeah.  I feel like the one Snugglebug went to didn't really benefit her, so I don't know if homeschooling will be the best option or what I'll do. I had planned on sending Laeah to school while I began homeschooling Lovely, but we'll see how everything works out.

Speaking of Laeah:  it looks like she'll be getting tubes in her ears soon.  She's had ear infection after ear infection, and she has terrible allergies.  She's been on allergy medication for at least a month, probably longer.  Knowing what I know now, I'm afraid Snugglebug probably had a lot of sinus infection as a toddler/child, but I just didn't recognize her signs.  She's been getting terrible headaches lately, even throwing up after a major headache/migraine.  We started her on allergy medication, but she continues to have headaches, so migraine medication might be necessary.  I also need to institute local honey to see how that helps. 

Speaking of food:  I started Jules on organic brown rice cereal yesterday.  I was exhausted with her waking up every two hours throughout the night, and she just didn't seem satisfied.  I'm hoping to continue nursing, but as I've said before, I haven't exactly been successful in the past.  I've made it almost twice as long as with Laeah, though, so for that I'm happy. 

Anything else new?  I'm too tired to realize it if there is...!

Catch All

This has been my week of just being...or at least that's how I feel.  My semester has come to an end, yet I still have several papers to grade and grades to input.  I also have to sign the contract to teach next fall, which I have been putting off.  It's just so hard to leave my babies. 

Speaking of which, Laeah now cries when I enter my mom's house because she's afraid of being left.  She clings to my legs.  Her copying skills are outrageous, though--she was copying my sister yesterday when my sister blew her nose.  Not the best thing to copy, but cute none the less.  She says "trash" in the cutest voice with gusto, and: shoes, brush, cheese, book, ball, hi, hush, sister (and all her sisters' names), and then she just lets things slip out to make me turn my head and ask, "Did I just hear what I think I heard?"

Her little sister is determined to sit up.  She hates tummy time and still refuses to roll over, but she looks like she's doing constant sit-ups.  She hates being in the room by herself and wants touched/held by me constantly, which can be quite frustrating.  Yet, I usually give in because I know this stage only lasts for so long. I bought a baby carrier through a co-op, but it hasn't arrived yet.  I also bought two diapers months ago, which still haven't arrived and frankly, I'm getting frustrated with that buy.  It seems people are becoming short with each other on it, and I don't need that in my life.  I mostly stay on facebook so I can see pictures and keep up with other people, and to buy/sell in these groups.  I'm starting to re-think the groups, though, which is sad. 

In other news, Lovely did archery today with her daddy (who teaches it).  She was timid at first, but she began really getting into it, and honestly, she's better than I am with a recurve bow.  I told her she should practice more and see if there are any competitions in the future! 

Now, I'm off to bed.  Summer is at hand, and I feel I need to make a list of all the ways to enjoy it.  We finally had to replace the water heater--all because we found a leak, which led to wood popping up off the floor--so that's checked off our to-do list.  At least I had learned to take shorter showers with the other water heater :P

Dear Snugglebug

Dear Snugglebug,
You are now a bright and shining eight year old with a gleam in your eye, unicorns and fairy dust under your feet, and a world of imagination no adult could comprehend.  Your hair is always a mess (no matter how often we spray/brush it) and there is always dirt under your fingernails.  Stains litter your clothes like you are wearing a permanent napkin.  And yet, you are always smiling (unless your sister is bothering you or you are bothering your sister--you know which one I'm talking about!).  I often slap my forehead in disbelief of what comes out of your mouth and what you think of next.  Your mind is complicated, as evidenced by the plot of your current Young Authors' story, that involves the intrigues of magic, burglary, abduction, and the list goes on.  Your handwriting is very nice when you want it to be, just like you know the answers to questions when you want to know them.  Although frustrating, I admire how you miss most words on the spelling pretest and yet you get most of them correct when you take another test at home later that day (psst...I think you just don't want challenge words so you purposely get things wrong!). I don't understand how you can hate ice cream now, but to each their own.  I just know that I love you, and you will forever be my baby. 

Three Months

My Baby Is Three Months Old

 

I can't believe she's grown so much, as every mother everywhere says about a healthy, developing daughter.  And she has, she really has.  Laeah was wearing this outfit at 9 months.  Ummhmm.

Lovely actually took this picture and I played with the lighting and cropping a bit.  I think Lovely should go into photography, don' you?

Shall I admit Lovely took this one, too?  It was in a dimly lit room and the camera was still on manual, so I had to turn it to b & w, but I was once again impressed.  Lovely's response, "You're welcome."  I guess she thinks photography is easy or something.  Greeeaaat.

This is what happens to Jules when she gets a bath.  I combed her hair, but...well...you get the picture.

Reflections

Hello.  How are you at this 1 o'clock in the morning time? 

I've been thinking a lot lately. Probably too much, which only leads to CB--Chaos of the Brain.  I suffer from that a lot.

I attended a funeral today, which usually sets the stage for life reflection.  For me, this is even more true as I cry at the drop of a hat since I've had Jules.  Seriously, if I drop a hat, I'm sure I will burst into melodramatic tears.

Anyway, the funeral was for the mother of a childhood friend with whom I still keep in contact.  You know how you "know" people, but you may not remember exactly how they look or how they sound if several years go by without seeing or hearing them? This lady's voice keeps singing through my mind, reminding me of the easy teenage years that at the time I couldn't wait to leave behind me. 

Now, I'm wondering even more what kind of an example am I setting for my children.  I constantly feel as if I'm failing, that there is so much more I'm supposed to do, yet I never get to do it.  I'm not talking about big things--little things mostly.  Taking more time to play with the girls.  Not being in a rush all the time.  Being able to stop yelling at the older ones to clean their room.  And then I wonder if their room is messy because I never find time to keep mine very clean.

You see, my mom was a stay-at-home mom.  She was always there.  Period.  Very rarely did she leave me with my father, and truth be told, if she did, he may have easily forgotten I was there and simply left the house (I'm being serious--not mean!),  Anyway, I find myself continually over-extending myself.  I have four children now, and they are my main priority.  However, I teach two classes, which really doesn't take that much time, except it does.  I do have to make time to write lesson plans, grade essays/assignments, drive to school, teach, drive back.  And then I'm out of energy.  I'm supposed to score new teacher qualification portfolios as well, but to be honest, I haven't had time.  I got a phone call the other day asking if I want to interview to teach a high school English class 1.5 hrs/wk for a cottage (homeschool) school starting in the fall.  I've spent the last few weeks gathering tax information, filling out W2s and W3s, updating Quickbooks--all for my husband's business.  Honestly, I often feel like waving goodbye to it all.  My dream was to marry, have children, and to write, but my writing dream is getting squashed under the pressure of mounting bills, and my husband and children aren't getting as much of me as I would like to give.  So now the question:  Am I just being lazy by wanting to just stay home, or am I being called to do so?  Temptation or opportunity--it's so difficult to decipher. 

I just want to make it to summer. 

But then I remember school sign-ups for next year take place in May, and I'm still doing the homeschool debate dance.  Would I have time?  Would I have patience?  What can I trade in order to allow my children to do that?  Would they have friends?  Would it really make a difference? Would I lose any more of my sanity?

I had Lovely tested at school this past week because her teacher is afraid she won't finish the IRead test in order to move on to 4th grade, and she's been recommended for intercession since 1st grade.  Surprise, surprise.  So far, she doesn't qualify for anything and she in fact has a 7th grade reading comprehension.  Although I've adored some of her teachers, that really makes me wonder about the other ones.  This year has not gone as I expected, but it's so difficult to make changes.  It's scary--you know it is.  Also, through school, they do get free flute lessons, art and music classes, choir, dress wacky days (today was funny hat day), some good field trips, and there's not that pressure that you so often feel when you're with just church people to be the best Christian possible.  Don't get me wrong--I try to teach my children that they should always be the best Christians they can be, but everyone makes mistakes, and not everyone sees everything the same way, so judgements are frequently made that really shouldn't (IMO). 

Ok.  Done with the reflection.  Time for bed.  Goodnight.

Snow Days

Yet more white fluff...

Snugglebug spent the time roll, roll, rolling to form a very short snowgirl beside another short snowgirl.  Have I mentioned I'm a bit snowman-challenged?  I grew up in Arizona and very rarely drove to the snow in the mountains, so I never really learned to make a good snowman.  Perhaps that should be on my bucket list?

Lovely spent the time creating the beginning of a snow fort that turned into a snow lounger where she and Laeah hung out.

Laeah's first time playing in the snow! I finally had some energy and Jules was sleeping, so I resisted all of the work I needed to get accomplished, and decided childhood memories were more important.

She walked right over and sat down, like this was her little snow chair.  She late got up, walked over to the snow people, nibbled on their carrot noses, and licked their icy faces.  Thankfully, I got some of this on video :) 

This and That

It's been a little while so some updates:

Laeah is in everything, and I mean everything!  While you are removing things from one hand, she is in the process of collecting more no-no's in the second hand.  She refuses to wear anything in her hair, and continually removes her hats, socks, and shoes.  I'm convinced by summer, I may have a nudist.  At least she'll be sporting a cute diaper...I hope.  She has said the words "I love you," "buh-bye," and "candy" lately.  After candy, S and I were sure she said, "I need that."  lol

Jules is still growing like a weed. She's now 12 lbs, 12 oz, so she gained 9 oz in a two-week period.  Yikes!  I won't be able to carry her in her carseat soon, so I'm hoping spring comes quickly!  I need to sell her 0-3 mos clothes now, but I had difficulty parting with her newborn clothes.  Not sure why!  I took her for shots yesterday, so she's a little grumpy today and has a slight fever.

I went to the much anticipated Kid Stuff Sale last week and saw several people whom I hadn't seen in quite a while, which was very nice!  I find I'm either working, changing diapers, doing laundry, nursing, sleeping, or thinking about sleep 99% of my day, so it's nice to see adults once in a while.  I know my littles won't be little for long, so I do treasure them, which is probably why my house looks like a cyclone continually moves from room to room. 

I'm a bit sad right now because I missed the Maple Sugar Festival today, in 60 degree weather.  S and I decided the mud would just be too deep to haul around four kids, two of which would need a stroller.  I have a Moby to carry Jules, but she hates it.  I think she likes to stretch too much and it just doesn't allow her to do so.  I read others like Tulas and Kinderpacks, but after I saw the prices on those puppies, I believe I'll just live without them!  If I was planning on having more kids, that would be one thing, but I don't need to spend $150+ for the last two.  And then I think about people who only have one and spend that much...hmm...and then I put doubts in my mind.  Okay.  If I were to find one at a sale for a great price, then I might invest.  Chances aren't high, however.  I plan on attending the Little Treasures sale in a couple weeks, but I doubt I'll see anything that nice there. 

Lastly, I finally bit the bullet and ordered 12 more diapers.  Once all of them arrive, I should have a total of 29 diapers for two children.  I'm hoping that's enough, and I'm hoping I have the self-control not to buy more!  haha  I don't think I'm a fanatic like some, but the cute patterns are hard to resist.  Did you know they make ruffles that attach to diapers?  And diapers that look like Tigger's head--you can't even tell it's a diaper!  I of course can't afford these diapers, but they are fun to look at!  Actually, I'm secretly hoping by investing in diapers, Laeah will potty-train earlier than the other two and faster, leaving me with too many diapers for one child--you know, in irony.  We'll see.  Snugglebug took one week to train.  Lovely took about 4 years.  I'm praying the last two are not like the first!

The Last of the Littles

The Ache, as Sarah so aptly names it in this post
 has been on my heart a lot lately.  I remind myself that I'm being selfish, that there are many out there who can't have any children, or can only have one, or have had the heartbreak of losing a child.  Yet, The Ache remains.  I sniff Jules until she likely thinks I'm some type of animal, and cover her in kisses until I'm afraid I'll chap her delicate new-baby skin.  I stroke her hair until the oil from my hands becomes visibly apparent, and I pat her back in comfort until my hand falls asleep.  I am cherishing her. 

Why am I over-doing it (or at least, paying more attention while I do so) with Jules?  Because she is my last.  The earlier link mentions how she was never one to want a house full of children, and I agree with that point.  However, I did always know I would be happy to just be at home (although finances don't allow me to do that only).  I always wanted four children:  two boys and two girls.  I got four children, but boys weren't in my future, for who knows what reason.  Girls are so...girly!  I can dress them in flowers and bows, or pull off stripes and solids, with hair accessories and matching shiny shoes or sandals.  I love my girls, and I love my four.  And yet, it's so difficult to know I'm closing a chapter of my life. 

Jules has outgrown her newborn clothes already.  I find myself anxious, wondering how long I'll be able to nurse her, not wanting to stop, yet knowing it's always been somewhat of a challenge for me.  To the contrast, I wonder what to do with all the stuff I will be finished with in too short of a time.  I've had that aquarium baby swing for nine years, and the mint green Boppy, and the white bassinet sitting on a pair of dining room chairs in my bedroom (and she's all too quickly growing out of it; only another 6 weeks remain at most).  What will I do with the baby Tubby I've used for each of my children's baths until they could sit up?  What on earth do I do with all this STUFF?  Because to me, it's not stuff; it's memories.  Memories of the blessings I've always wanted and what I've been given. 

I know I've loved watching my older children grow.  I know I can't afford twelve children, nor would my body handle twelve pregnancies.  I know I want to give as much love and attention to the children I have, but I will always harbor the want, the wish, the dream of what it was like to have those babies.  I know new and wonderful things are in the chapters ahead, but just as I dread turning the final page of a novel I've been emotionally engrossed in, it's difficult to turn the page of the baby stage--especially now that it seems I've gotten that burping strategy down just right, the perfect napping schedule, and recognition of their various scents and callings.  Perhaps I can use it on the grandkids...in twenty years.

Toddling and Smiling

Forgot to mention...Laeah is finally walking around much more...on her feet!  Yay!  I may be able to leave my house soon!  Let me say, it's been tough not being able to lift more than 10 lbs for a month, walking around in pain, living in a...ahem...much less than "clean" house.  I am very thankful my BFF showed up to clean a few days after I left the hospital, and made some headway in the bathroom and kitchen at least :)  However, the house has since come under attack again by little ruffians (sp?). 

Also, at 4 wks old, Jules gave me a huge gummy smile...a real smile.  She laughed at me last night, too.  S keeps saying I have a mama's girl, and I hope he's right.  It's about time--Lovely and Laeah are definitely daddy's girls, and Snugglebug says shes a mommy and daddy girl.  How very diplomatic of her!  

Fluffy Buns

I keep telling Laeah that she's wearing her fluffy buns when I put a cloth diaper on her, and she seems just fine with that :)  I haven't been cloth diapering strictly, but I've been doing it when possible.  I still use a disposable at night and during naps, just in case there may be leaks (although disposables leaked often at night as well).  I have a total of 12 diapers, I believe, and these aren't your grandma's diapers.  I bought snap (some with snap & velcro) pocket diapers, so there is a pocket on the inside where you stuff an insert (mine are microfiber and foldable bamboo).  I also use flushable liners for messier changes--I don't subscribe to the dunking method, if you get my drift.  At changing time, I just unsnap, remove the liner, and toss the diaper in a waterproof pillowcase (MUCH cheaper than a large wet bag).  To wash, I separate the inserts from the diaper, rinse on cold, wash on warm, and usually give an extra rinse.  Sometimes I hang the diapers to dry, sometimes I use the dryer.  Gee, how hard does that sound?  

Honestly, a lot of people still look at me like I'm crazy, including S.  Not sure why--I am saving money here, but he just hasn't realized it yet, I don't think.  And changing them/washing them is not difficult or overly time consuming.  I wash every 2-3 days, which I have to do with our regular laundry anyway (I mean, there are 6 people in this house now, come on!).  The hardest part?  Fitting clothes over fluffy bottoms.  I may be overstuffing, yet, I use two inserts because one absorbs more but not as quickly, and one absorbs less but quicker.  I've done a ton of research, and I'll get it figured out eventually, I hope.  I still aim to add 12 more diapers before I'm done since I have two little ones.  I haven't done cloth yet with my newest, but I plan to once she turns 2 months.  

What odd tasks have you been up to lately? And have you chosen any special words lately?  I was inspired because I saw several bloggers doing so, including doing it with children, which I may have to try :)  Remember, trust you are blessed :)

Just Words

Whoever said that was totally lying.  Words are powerful.  Words hurt.  Words heal.  Lately, a lot of words have hurt me (partially because of the lack of sleep, partially because of life, and partially because of the grumpy person wielding them), and I've also been at a total loss for solutions to various situations--even at a loss of words. 

However, I'm going to pick up a word today--maybe two-- and apply them to the rest of the year:  FAITHFUL and BLESSED.  Too many times, I let doubts and fears get the best of me.  Too many times, I break down and wonder how I'm ever going to get through something.  Yet, I know many have things worse than me.  I am blessed with four wonderful (yet exasperating) children.  As much as I'd love to stay home all the time, I am blessed to be able to earn a small income while only being away from my children 6 hours per week.  I am blessed to have a roof over my head and shoes on my feet (no longer stylish ones, as comfort has superseded style), and food in my belly.  I am blessed to enjoy the smiles of my family and hear their laughter (although inappropriate at some hours).  I am blessed. 

What is prompting all of this?  I've realized things are just out of my control, despite my control-freak nature.  For example, I had saved up enough money to finally buy the glider-recliner I've wanted for years.  I was given money for it last year, but I ended up paying bills instead, and so I literally received nothing for Christmas.  Nothing.  This year, I put Christmas gift money and baby money, along with carpool cash, all toward my glider.  I finally took the plunge and purchased it.  What did I receive in the mail just two short days later?  Thousands of dollars of bills.  Extra bills--not like electricity bills or anything--but very important ones, none the less.  What did I do?  I cried, of course!  Yet, I know God is in control, and He does not give us more than we can handle (and boy, are we amazed at what He knows we can handle sometimes!).  I know He will provide, and I know I must be faithful and accept that I am blessed in order to receive my blessings.  

What are you blessed with lately?

Nursing Cover.  Pattern found at Craftaholics Anonymous

Hello!  I can't believe it, but the last time I remember seeing my old nursing cover, I was pulling it out of my diaper bag saying, "I won't need this for a few more months."  I set it aside and now...who knows where it went! 

So, instead of spending $20+ on a new one, I decided to spend around $15 to make one.  Honestly, it only cost that much because I wanted a particular heavier cotton, even though I wasn't as crazy about the patterns.  Weight was important because I wanted a fabric that would stay in place, despite the wriggles of Jules!  

Anyway, I thought, "It's a rectangle.  Certainly I can't go wrong with sewing a rectangle!"  Those of you who know my history with sewing may instantly raise your hands in objection, and yes, you have grounds to do so!  Everything went pretty well (or so I thought) until I finished everything and tried it on.  Suddenly I found myself wondering, "Why is it so LONG?"  

You guessed it.  I sewed it like an apron with the straps on the narrow edge.  Why?  Who knows.  My brain just doesn't work right when planning the creation and ending of a pattern.  Thankfully, it wasn't that hard of a fix:  I took off the straps and boning, moved them to the correct side, opened one side of the pocket, and sewed the other side closed.  And of course, ran out of thread twice while making the corrections.  Cool thing about this project:  I learned what boning is and practiced sewing it on.  The boning is in place at the neck so I can see the baby underneath the cover and not have to wonder what on earth is going on down there!  

Now, I just pray I continue being successful at nursing.  I have pumped a lot, but we have to introduce the bottle in two weeks so my mom can feed Jules once on the two days per week that I work.  I will only be gone 3.5 hours 2 days per week, so she should only need to feed once.  

So what projects have you messed up on this year?  Do share and make me feel better!

Bobbling Around

So cute!  I decided to make a winter headband for my niece using Allison's pattern.  It was so easy and quick, and I felt like a mature crocheter (lol) by adding the fancy bobbles!  I highly suggest this headband if you want to crochet, but at the same time, many may receive one of these in the future as a Christmas present or birthday present! lol  I posted this pic on facebook and immediately had a request for me to make one for my friend's daughter--how cool is that? I did use a size I hook because I couldn't find my H, and my yarn must have been thicker because I only did around 45 rows instead of 54.

The only downside to all the crocheting I've been doing is that my hands keep getting numb and I'm wondering if the crocheting has to do with it or if it is completely post-pregnancy related...we'll see!