Messing with the Design

As usual, I got tired of my backdrop/layout, so I decided to try the blogger draft design thingy majig. I really like it, and although I thought I desperately wanted to move away from AZ, I now feel comforted when I used backdrops/pics from where I was born and spent my entire childhood. Isn't it amazing how things can stay frozen in time? I haven't visited in about four years now, but if I don't go back, that will mean things won't have changed from my last visit, so these memories provide a sort of stability not easily found elsewhere.

In one of the previous comments, I was asked if I journal/calculate/plan/measure everything I eat. In response, no, I do not. I hate measuring! I wish I had the money to just say, "Hey, Jenny Craig, send me some food so I don't have to figure this out on my own," but I can't afford that, either. So, I do my best to write it down when I remember to do so. Probably why I haven't lost very much.

Writing/writer/struggling

All of the above words seem synonymous with the next. I've loved writing since the time I could form words into sentences. This love has spanned books (often read 2-3 times), prompted dictionary and thesaurus use, and has been a part of me that I always return to, no matter other interests that may arise. However, I'm yet to be "officially" published. Why? Here are some of my thoughts:

1. No follow through. I get started, and then I don't finish stories. Well, poetry and short stories, I can handle. Articles for school, I can handle. Writing just for me and finishing...not so much.
2. Too much on my plate, which causes #1. I'm a Christian wife, mother, teacher, tutor, student, writer, web blogger, website manager, homeschool volunteer, and artist (I started working with charcoal again last night--very relaxing!). So, until days become 37 hrs long, I need to learn to slow-down and not jump into everything headfirst.
   
3. Rejection hurts. There's no way around rejection as a writer. Yes, I have been rejected, and yes, it does hurt. I have to learn to not let it bother me as much, but who likes being told, "Don't waste our time." (They don't really say that; it's mostly a, "We can't use your story at this time. Thank you," kind of thing.
4. I love teaching. Honestly, I would rather teach writing than write sometimes. Weird, eh? Probably because it's easier, which leads me to #5:
5. Writing is hard. Really, really hard. You put your heart, your soul, your know-how, your time, your energy--everything you have goes into those words. Sometimes, those words just don't reflect what you really are, and then you are left searching for the right "fix-it", which may never come.
   
6. I can't find the right fit for my writing. I don't write obscene pieces with harsh language or violence, etc. Therefore, the normal nonfiction journal/magazine doesn't fit my pieces. Yet, my pieces are nonfiction, so they don't go into fiction mags/journals. They don't really seem "Christian-enough" to place into a Christian journal/mag, because they don't always center around a virtuous end-moral lesson. What to do, what to do...which leads me to #7:
   
7. I'm waiting on God's perfect will. Good enough for me.
   

30 Day Challenge...Check!

I finished the 30 Day Challenge on the Wii Active last night! Yeah! Did I lose a single pound? Of course not! But did I gain a single pound? I hope not! (I haven't had the nerve to check since we ate out yesterday.) S made breakfast yesterday afternoon, which is certainly not the healthiest for me. I need to just say no, but then I'm afraid of hurting feelings....sigh. We ate Mexican for dinner, but I had 1.5 bean burritos (the serving came with 2 burritos), so I at least avoided the cheese enchiladas I normally consume. My youngest daughter robbed me of 1/2 of one, but I was thankful.

I checked out the WW site last night, but after checking meeting times and costs, it just won't work for me. Yes, you got it--I'm too cheap to pay $10/week and I like sleeping in on the ONE day per week I get to sleep in--Saturday. So, I'm back at trying to figure this weight thing out myself. Maybe if I had to post my weight on here for everyone to see? hahahahahaha Yeaaaa right! That's not going to happen!

On the school front, I believe I have decided to forgo school this summer, sign up for classes this fall, and see if I have money for them by then. That way, we can work on our house and I can concentrate on the things in life I really love and enjoy, instead of what some teacher believes I need to learn for my own good. Wow, I think I'm growing up!

Cleaning, Cleaning...Never clean!

Just finished washing my mom's carpet...yeah! I've been cleaning her house all day in preparation for her company this upcoming week. To be honest, I needed the extra money, so I was glad my niece (who normally does it this time of year) wasn't interested. I am determined to save money in order to pay down debt and move out of my neighborhood. Yes, I'm very thankful for my cute little house, but it seems the world is moving in on me...closer and closer! We have the barking dogs around us, the smoking (of all kinds), the loud music, the guitar across the street, the kids climbing over my fence to play with my children....ick! It doesn't look like we can move out anytime soon, but I'm going to write a check and have faith that it will work out!

I didn't eat great today, but I had a salad, broiled fish on wheat, and two pieces of pizza. I did have Coke (ack! If I had an arch villain, we know what it would be!), but I've been cleaning today and tonight I'm going to exercise--workout 19 of 20 for the Wii Active! Yeah! Have I lost weight? No. Do I feel skinnier? No. But I felt really good yesterday (until the evening, that is, when I was feeling a bit stressed and confused), and I know it is because of my choices of late.

Off to clean some more before I go home....happy spring cleaning, everyone!

Confused & Burdened

Ok, so this is my venting post. I'm not to let a negative thought roost in my mind, so no matter how often the "negativity woodpecker" pecks, I'm going to turn him away. I just need to figure out my thoughts right now!

I honestly feel a need to help others whenever I can, but after I do, I feel....forgotten, or that people don't feel I've done enough. After last night, I felt completely forgotten--all the hard work, all the stress that I volunteered to handle, was so easily forgotten. I know I help so I can help the kids, so I try to conjure up their smiling faces in my mind and realize that people have so many things going on in their minds that other things get forgotten. And it's not that I'm mad; I just feel a little hurt. I hope everyone knows that can ask me for help anytime they need it.

I feel I need to do a lot of praying because although someone spoke exactly what was on my heart last night, exactly how I feel, I still feel that it went unheard by some other outspoken people. I feel we need to pray, wait, and say, "We need you to help us...we can't go it alone. Just as Moses went on the mountain and people neglected to do the right thing while he was gone--we need Moses to lead us." I know my husband can handle my own family, but we still need help.

After I left a meeting last night, I also ended up wondering if I give off vibes of being "anti-social" or if I just don't know how to respond to other people, or what the deal was. I found that while my husband had people to talk to, I was wandering around alone and ready to go. I did talk a few minutes with some sweet sisters, but I seriously begin to wonder what is wrong with me. I love everyone, no matter our differences, so I hope people realize this. Maybe I just have that "struggling soul" that so many writers have, but I don't know....Wow, this is getting really depressing, but I honestly am burdened. I just have to lay my burdens down at His feet :)

What's the Deal?

So I've been working this week, but I've still been watching what I eat (for the most part) and I've been exercising, yet I don't feel any smaller. Ok, maybe I feel smaller because my ability to get in better shape just doesn't seem up to par, but I don't physically feel smaller. I will keep trying; I will keep striving. I've been drinking so much water lately that it seems I'm always running to the bathroom. Even with all of my doubts, I do know I'm in better shape than I was previously.

I canceled my tutoring hours this morning because I knew I needed more sleep. I have this nasty habit of trying to juggle too much all the time, and I feel that if I'm not multi-tasking, I'm not doing anything. Silly me, I know, but I finally understand people when they say, "So-and-So has forgotten how to relax." I guess another goal for this summer is to re-learn how to relax!

No Gains, No Losses

What is this post about? Just what the title says! I got on the scale this morning and I was actually happy I hadn't gained anything. I just wish I could lose 5 lbs instantly, and then I would be under a certain number for sure that I absolutely abhor! Time to exercise tonight...

Start of the Week

I've been up since 6:50 this morning, but I'm actually lasting pretty well! I got up, tutored for an hour, got ready for my temp job answering phones, dropped off the girls, dropped off our tax stuff at the accountant's, and when I go home, I plan on working out. I brought my lunch so I wouldn't spend money or be tempted by calories, so at least I can't snack today! My eyelids are a little heavy, but I've completed almost all the reading I needed to get finished today, I wrote an article for The Examiner --make sure to visit-- and I'm about to see if I can find some WW meals to make this week, so I can plan a grocery list.

Speaking of planning, although I've been a major planner most of my life, it wasn't until the past few years that I read about planning meals for the week. I don't mean to speak ill of anyone, but I wasn't taught to meal plan growing up--I don't remember my mother doing it. Maybe it's just my memory? Anyway, I've been trying to keep up with it, but I keep failing at the task. Any secrets out there for easy meal plans? It doesn't help that I'm such a picky eater, of course.

What a Day!

We slept in today, so we didn't make it to church as planned. So, I spent quite a while reading Bible stories to the girls, and then we ate the breakfast that Daddy likes to make, despite the caloric intake and fat gram overload. We listened to a tape in the car as we ran a few places, and I finished up day 152 of Lovely's school while we visited her grandparents. Next, we ate grilled steak, asparagus, beans, and low fat mac 'n cheese for dinner. Feeling inspired (or perhaps guilty), I did Workout 15 of the 30 Day Challenge, and I did an additional shape boxing session on the Wii, burning somewhere around 260 calories total. I think I need to add boxing in with each Wii Active workout, because I'm just not seeing the results. I also did 50 cross crunches and 10 of those mega hard crunches with your legs straight up in the air--misery! Maybe I'll finally start seeing results!

Time? What Time?

Whew! I just finished tutoring for two hours and my last student was well....we just won't go there!

I had to change my tutoring hours around for next week because I'm filling in answering phones/performing office work for someone from church for the next two weeks. Honestly, the opportunity couldn't have come at a better time! DH's work schedule has been lacking lately, and bills just keep coming! I got a lovely bill for a radiologist from Lovely's hospital visit last summer, so I called this morning after praying profusely, and I was informed, "Oh, that was just a computer glitch. Just ignore it." Gee, thanks for the $194.00 heart attack! But I am sooo thankful that it worked out! I did keep some tutoring hours on, but I realized I may be working 48 hrs next week in addition to homeschooling, my school, housework, and DH's payroll! YIKES! Can someone say S-T-R-E-S-S?

I don't know how exercise will go the next two weeks, but I'm going to give it a shot. I've been doing well with it, but I ate at the Mexican joint for lunch (I ordered a taco salad, which is small, but still not great--although it had very little cheese and lots of guacamole), but we ordered pizza tonight at my hubby's request, so I had two slices and a glass of coke (eek!). I'll be cleaning my mom's house tomorrow, so I hope to burn off some more calories. I did exercise this morning before gym/art/music classes, and then I went for a walk while my oldest daughter biked around the neighborhood--those little legs were getting with it!

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I've started yet another blog. I plan on designing my own layout/template, but I haven't had time (can you believe that?), so I'll have to get to it later. I will be offering a writing program, tutoring, and testing, catering to homeschool kids. I'm praying that this venture goes well! I know I was given my love of writing for a reason, I just have to find His perfect will in which to use it.

Another Day, Another Workout

I went out to eat last night with a group of ladies, and boy was that Italian food good! At least we had salmon for an entree, although it was smothered in this made-from-heaven pesto sauce that I adored! I tried not to eat too much, but a certain box in my fridge is calling out my name....shhhhh!

I got up and exercised this morning, despite my deep love for countless hours of sleep. That workout wanted to kill me, too! I'm really having a problem with jump lunges, and jump any-things for that matter, because my ankle is not handling them too well. I've thought about wrapping it before working out, but that seems like something a real athlete would do, not out-of-shape me! My stamina is much improved, though, and my energy levels are much higher, especially when I get up early like this. The dreaded To-Do list is once again looming over me, though, so here I go, off to the next task...

The Right Choice

Talk about amazing! I was just remarking in my last post my reasons for not wanting to teach where I had been teaching previously. Today I went onto Yahoo and I see an article from the NY Times discussing the amount of money trade schools are raking in, despite the low wages graduates will most likely earn after they finish school! That was one of my main problems with where I taught--students had it in their heads that they were going to go on and get a BA or an MA from another college, not knowing that their degrees wouldn't transfer. To top that, they were taking out huge loans that gave them no option but to keep attending school and finish--or face the $11,000 in debt from a year (or less) of school. Granted, I think employment in this area for the medical field would have more opportunities for these graduates, but I just didn't believe in what these "for profit" schools were teaching.

I have been thinking about designing a writing program for homeschool students for a while now, and I've been praying about it. I have decided to take the plunge and I'm in the process of creating one, using state standards, but making it fun! Hopefully, I can work from home, encouraging students who actually want to learn, or at least value learning. I hope to have a website up this summer....we'll see :D

Meanwhile, on the weight front, I didn't gain anything and I have been following WW pts the past couple days. Yes, I've had at least two recipe flops, according to my darling husband, so I need to find some recipes with a bit more flavor. I have a favorite or two that he likes, but I'm quickly losing out....

Scheduling My "To-Do" List

Ahhhh, the infamous To-Do List, how you haunt me so! I just worked on my weekly schedule, hoping to see where I have free time. According to the schedule, there are quite a few openings this week. Too bad reality does not reflect this! I'm on spring break this week, so at least I don't have to go to class, but because we are off the following week as well due to my instructor cancelling class, I have a huge amount of reading to get done, along with writing a book review on a book about writing creative non-fiction--oh the joy! I have seriously lost interest in school at this point, and I just don't feel its benefits, so I'm leaning toward taking the summer off and seeing if any interest creeps back by next fall. As of now, I have my doubts. I had planned on getting my MA in English so I would be able to teach. Unfortunately, I've learned how unresponsive students can be to writing, not to mention reading, and how unbelievably mean they can be at times. Don't get me wrong--I've had lots of students who have told me how much they loved having me as a teacher, and I was brought to tears by one student who claims I was her favorite, most inspirational teacher. However, when you have a class of 40-some students, a month to teach composition in four-hour blocks of time two days a week and meeting online one day a week, you just get burnt out. I loved teaching and helping those who loved to learn, but once class size became so overwhelming that I dreaded reading their papers, I knew I wasn't giving it my best, and I firmly believe you shouldn't do anything unless you are going to do your best.

I digress.

This week, we'll be on starting on day 143 for DD1's school, so I'm excited to almost be finished. I'm even more excited for the upcoming homeschool convention so I can browse the other curricula available, and learn at workshops and sessions of which I'm actually interested in the subject matter. I plan on revamping my daughter's schooling so we can both be enthused more often than not about learning.

As for weight loss, I have avoided the scales the past few days. No, I haven't eaten perfectly, but I've tried to watch it more than not. I've planned out WW meals for this week, and I'm still following the exercise schedule, along with improvised walks when I can do so. I'm also going to turn into a mad cleaning fiend this week--I'm tired of the mess! It would help so much to have more space so everything could have a place! Wish me luck....no, just pray for me :)

Still Here

Yes, I'm still here. I got up early this morning and exercised on the Wii Active, which about killed me, but I did it. I am so tired, but I still have over 2.5 hours of tutoring left to do today. I also taught art lessons to two groups of kids for 30 minutes each--way too short for art! I'm sure I could have occupied them for at least an hour!

Anyway, I'm just tired and it's difficult to keep exercising when the scale isn't really showing a difference. I'm not sure what is going on, but it is a bit discouraging. Granted, I don't always eat the best, but really...no change. I only go up a couple of pounds, down a couple of pounds, and back up again. I'm starting to understand why people take diet pills! However, I've always had a fast heart rate, so I don't want to take any chances with diet pills (plus, they are a tad pricey!). I'm going to make a better meal plan this week (strictly WW meals), and go to the grocery store either tomorrow or Monday to get all ingredients. Then, maybe I'll see a difference after this week. I'm still exercising, though, because I have noticed a difference in stamina and energy (minus today).

Not Too Bad

Today was the day to pick up the kids' clothing items that didn't sell, so since we were over that way, we went to PF Chang's. I looked at the nutritional value menu ahead of time, so I ordered the salmon bowl with egg drop soup and water to drink. I loved the soup, but the salmon was a little dry for my taste. I didn't eat all the rice, either. I did have a bite of my mom's fried rice, a couple of DD2's noodles, and 1.25 pieces of chicken from DD1. Tonight, during class, I ate pretzels and a tiny (we're talking the size of my thumb) piece of the zucchini bread that I had baked & brought for class for snacks. I resisted everything else, so I feel pretty good about today.

I went on a long walk with the girls yesterday and I will be doing the next part of the 30 Day Challenge tonight...let's keep this thing rolling!

Ahhh..It's Saturday

Breathe a sigh of relief! The weekend has arrived!

I spent the day cleaning at my mom's house for her Easter company preparations. I vacuumed blinds, curtains, under beds, dusted a huge, hateful curio cabinet filled with anything that could possibly get a chip or a broken wing/beak/staff, etc., and there will be more to come. I came home and did day 5 of my 30 Day Challenge, and proceeded to play four games of tennis, all of which the computer won because after all, computer people with a skill level half of mine automatically win, or so it seems.

Wow! Am I cantankerous or what today? Ok, in addition to all of this, I ate at the Mexican joint again, but I have started giving half of my enchilada to my DD2, not that she needs it, but she's always hungry and she apparently expends a lot more energy than yours truly. Tonight, I ate leftover chicken 'n dumplings, sin the dumplings, which somehow got lost in the mix, along with grapes and a Lebanon balogna & cheese sandwich. Quite the mix, eh? After consuming such oddities, I got on Facebook and saw that my cousin has now lost 30 lbs by doing 'bootleg' Weight Watchers (not going to meetings, but following rules) and exercising. Well, here's my attempt at it, although I STINK at measuring (which is why I hate sewing). Why can't I just look at someone thin and lose the weight?

Pizza'd Out

Wow...I'm actually pizza'd out, something I never thought could happen. I made another pizza tonight from Whole Foods, but I added some extra seasoning and a little Asiago cheese. It was all right, but I think I'm getting sick of it, which is a good thing, I'm sure.

I got up this morning and burned I don't know how many calories on the next portion of the 30 Day Challenge. It went well and I'm noticing my legs aren't ready to fall off quite so easily by the end of the running sections. Tonight, I did two warm-up exercises on my cardio boxing, the sandbag, and dodging punches. Then, I played three games of tennis and went four rounds in boxing--beating all of my opponents! What a rush! j/k Next, I did some skateboarding on the Wii Active and finally made it all the way through the course! I must be in better shape if I was able to do that! I did a few other unmentionable games on there (I did so poorly at them, I can't mention them), so I'm a little impressed with how much effort I put forth today. Gooo Meee! haha And then I ate pizza...

Day of Rest

So yesterday was a day of rest, and boy! did I need it! According to the 30 Day Challenge, I exercise for two days, then I take off one day. For some reason, I felt awful yesterday: tired, sore throat, and pounding headache. However, I went to bed early last night and I woke up feeling SO much better today! I'll be exercising tonight (I had errands to run and tutoring to do today, along with homeschool--day 136 YAY!). I didn't eat that wonderfully today, but I've rejected Coke/Rootbeer for the day, I ate mashed potatoes without gravy...that kind of thing.

I had to go to my graduate class yesterday afternoon, which posed the question: can blogs be considered creative non-fiction? At first, I had no response, due to the lack of brain synapses occurring in my haggard health state, but I continued to think on it as my fellow students rejected even reading blogs (I know they all secretly blog under the guise of anonymity). I consider my blogs to be creative non-fiction; I think about what I write, I'm trying to make order out of chaos, and I reflect on what it all means. I try to provide some type of construction to my thoughts, despite any real evidence of resolution. Therefore, I'm writing almost every day, which is the nonsense famous writers tell aspiring writers to do, even though they themselves don't follow it. Maybe this will build the better writer in me. Go figure.

How Do They Do That??

Ever met someone like this? Ever been friends with someone like this? If that's not frustrating enough, I'm married to someone like this! Grrr...the other day he was complaining about gaining too much weight. Next thing I know, I look at him this morning and ask, "Honey, did you lose weight? You look thinner." His response: "Oh, ya. I went hiking yesterday....it was pretty mean. I lost eight pounds." And then he continues to fry umpteen strips of bacon for his breakfast.

Don't get me wrong; I'm happy he is so blessed. But talk about making it hard on a woman! I was happy because I got up, tutored, then exercised for 30 mins., doing the Wii Active and burning 201 calories. Then, I see him. Oh, well--I'll just keep at it!

Oh, and please forgive me for my first attempt at drawing a cartoon. I couldn't find one suitable without mean copyright restrictions....maybe they'll get better over time!